Call.

I opened my eyes as wide as I possibly could. Darkness surrounded me. I shut my eyes and prayed, hoped, wished, begged… What have I done?

I stood alone in a tiny empty closet. I could hear nothing but my rushed breath and terrified heartbeat. Silence. I faced the door, stared at the nothingness, limbs limp, and prepared myself for what lied ahead. Silence. Slowly, I reached for the cold doorknob- Wait.. have I prayed long enough? Have I wished long enough? Have I begged long enough? 

My heart began to beg more and more, louder and louder with each beat. I’m scared.

I opened the door with caution and slowly made my way into my barren bedroom. My tired eyes darted around the empty room searching for my little brother. Silence. Maybe everything’s okay.. Maybe they’re gone.. So far, so good..

My heart began to beg again as I quietly made my way to the living room.

Everyone must be in here. My brother, my mom, my aunt.. They’re probably comforting each other..yeah.. My uncle’s probably talking to my stepdad. Yeah. It’s okay. Everything’s okay. I prayed..and I begged.. so it’s okay.. WAIT, shut up.. don’t jinx it. Why do I always jinx everything?

“NO!” My arms reached forward as I launched myself toward the steel flicker that caught my  eye.

Did I make that sound? It was so shrill. Was that my voice? Am I crying? When did I start crying? I hate you. I hate you. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. 

My rage increased exponentially. I extended my arms as far as I could, I kicked my legs to propel myself in his direction, I glared frantically at everyone, but despite my rage and hatred he was out of reach.

WHY ISN’T ANYONE DOING ANYTHING? I WILL END HIM, I HATE YOU.

Strong arms embraced my abdomen, making my kicking and reaching futile. I looked up to see my stone-faced uncle, he said nothing. When did he catch me? I would’ve reached him if he hadn’t caught me! 

Mommy..? 

I studied my mother’s face, we had the same tired eyes. She stood, wavering, with her hands cuffed behind her back.

Defeat. I stood on the porch until the patrol car was out of sight. When will I see her again? She’s innocent..

I sat next to my little brother. He stared out into the distance, his tiny hands carefully holding on to a hamster cage. Silence.

If only I hadn’t made that call.. It would’ve been okay if I hadn’t made that call. From now on, in spite of fear, I will not call.

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